"Negotiating a book-lending etiquette, or not "
Robin's Chapter
By Robin Kall
Motif
(08/25/2004)

“To lend or not to lend!” For me, this is no longer a question. Generous by nature, I used to enjoy sharing not only the titles of wonderful books but also the books themselves. If a friend seemed excited by my description of a book, I would have it in their hands before they could change their mind. I had my own system for keeping track of which books were out and who had them. This worked well most of the time, although once in awhile I’d need to check in with the reader to see how things were coming along (i.e. – they had it too long!)

It wasn’t just one incident that caused me to lose faith in the practice of lending books. It was a convergence of instances that occurred a few years ago which made me realize that I didn’t need to be knocked over by a bookshelf to find out that the stress of lending my beloved books was more than I was equipped to handle.

Not only did I find out that loaning a book was a bad idea, but loaning a signed book was literally a sure path to disaster! I don’t know what I could have been thinking when I casually entrusted my cherished signed copy of Anita Diamant’s The Red Tent to a friend. We ran into each other and I had the book with me. She commented on how wonderful she heard the book was – the next thing I knew I was insisting that she take it to enjoy. It was like I had been temporarily taken over by an alien- an alien who didn’t read. I calmed myself by reasoning that surely she’d see that it was returned to me safely and in a timely manner. We’d run into each other from time to time and she’d mention that she hadn’t gotten around to reading much. I never had the heart to just ask for it back.

The years passed and I finally had to say something to ensure the book’s return. “I’d love to meet for coffee” I said, “I have a signed copy of The Red Tent for you, so we can make a switch.” Yes, I emailed Anita to tell her the story and she sent a signed bookplate for the copy I was to give my friend. My treasured copy is now safely home in an honored spot on my bookshelf.

The definition of “to lend” –“ To give or allow the use of temporarily, on the condition that the same or its equivalent will be returned.” Alternatively, the definition of “to borrow” – “To obtain or receive (something) on loan with the promise or understanding of returning it or its equivalent.” It seems pretty clear to me. I lend you a book, you return it. Ah, if only things were that simple!

This is really embarrassing, but it works for the purposes of this piece. I mentioned that it wasn’t just one incident that pushed me over the “do not lend” edge. In most bad jokes, it’s three situations; in my case it took only two. Person #2 (and they are lucky I’m not naming names!) borrowed a couple of books (yes, signed as well!) and has had them for years. I placed a few calls requesting their return, wrote a note and even went so far as to send a pre-paid envelope complete with charming note of directions for proper insertion of books into the padded envelope! Nothing. Ruby, by Rhode Island author Ann Hood, is one of the victims. Ann was a recent guest on “Reading With Robin.” We talked about this phenomenon and she shared the story about one of her favorites-also so far from its proper home. She graciously signed another copy of Ruby, and in the inscription reminds me not to loan this one out!

Who more appropriate than William Shakespeare to punctuate the sentiment of this article?

”Neither a borrower, nor a lender be; for loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.” Not sure about the husbandry, that might be another article, but the reasoning as it applies to the loaning of books is unequivocal. Lending is best left to those agencies, which are commissioned to do so - the libraries! Some may think Mr. Shakespeare was referring to money - but I think he had enough foresight to know that one day many books, including his own, would be carelessly leant out – never to return to their rightful owners.

One of my favorite "Seinfeld" episodes actually pertains to this very subject of borrowing and not returning books. Mr. Buchman, a library cop, comes after Jerry for not returning a book he took out years earlier. That may be one solution. How about publishing a list of offenders? Public humiliation is used for other offenses; why not include abducted books? If anyone would like to email me with nominees, please send to robin@readingwithrobin.com. It’s doubtful that I’ll ever publish it, but you just might feel better!!

(Tune into “Reading With Robin” Saturday mornings from 7-8AM on WHJJ 920AM!)
www.readingwithrobin.com